Let’s talk about something sticky and uncomfortable. Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome.

I get caught in imposter syndrome a lot. For those of you who have never heard of the concept, impost syndrome is something that occurs in many people who have found success. I didn’t realise that it even existed let alone had a name let alone effected so many people around me until I managed to be brave enough to ask someone close to me about it.

A quick Google of Imposter Syndrome brings up results from Psychology Today which describes it as the following.

People who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.

This occurred to me the day I picked up the demo Range Rover I was test driving for the weekend in 2021. I remember I was driving out of the car yard and pulled up at a set of lights and this wave of absolute confusion washed over me, it was like I had a complete out of body experience and my subconscious kicked up, REAL loud and asked me – what in the actual fuck am I going here. The specific feelings I felt…

• You don’t deserve this
• Why would you think you can buy a Range Rover
• This will be taken away from you
• Everyone thinks you’re a wanker
• This is a waste of time, go back

Okay, so the common theme there… None of the things the voice was saying to me was referring to myself in the first person, so that’s your first clue.

The second clue was the out of body feeling, I felt like I wasn’t Sarah-Louise but I was in fact someone else. Touching the steering wheel didn’t feel real, it wasn’t like sitting in the old cute little Volks Wagon Tiguan where you feel in control and on the ‘auto-pilot’ we get into when we drive. It was honestly like I had never driven a car before and I forgot how to make it go.

The third clue, actually it wasn’t even a clue but I did have to phone a friend. And by friend, I had to call my boss at the time because out of everyone in the world, he was the first person who believed in me, long before I believed in myself. This was the person who helped me understand that what I was experiencing was in fact, not real, not true and all of those things that voice was trying to convince me of wasn’t the reality he had seen unfold over the last few years.

The reason why I want to share this, is because I am going through this sensation again but in a different capacity this time.

What I have experienced over the last few weeks or so is a doubt in my knowledge and my understanding of my life. A little while ago, I was actually going to throw the towel in, on everything. On writing, on my new business venture, on building my own empire, on it all. Even my wedding. The towel was there and everything was balled up inside it and I was so close to yeeting it off the cliff with bricks tied to the bottom of it so it sunk to the bottom of the ocean, never to be seen again.

And for those of you who are not Capricorns, this is what it means to be Capricorn. We are the Queens and Kings of avoidance. Do not test me, I will avoid you for the rest of eternity. But we’re swaying off topic here.

Back on track, I didn’t yeet. Being spiritual, underneath all the voices and mental turbulence I was experiencing knew that all I really needed to do was wait for the Aries Eclipse and Aries New Moon to reignite my inspiration and bring in new energy. I struggle with Aries y’all are genuinely insane, but I have to admit. Aries is fire, Aries will ignite, Aries is passion and excitement and new. Being the first sign of the Zodiac and a fellow Cardinal sign, I just needed to wait for the energy to kick back up again and relight my fire and start again.
Reminder guys, Capricorn Sun and Capricorn Moon over here, the Queen of avoidance, really quick to run away and very very stubborn about it, you get in my way, I will head but you and run faster. However, I know I am also the Queen of logical, analytical decision making and ruled by factual information, an unbeatable drive and burning desire to be successful and rich. Oh and also spite. Spite feeds my soul.

So back to imposter syndrome and what I did when I was in doubt.

I actually called out to the universe. I knew I needed a bit of help and some encouragement and a reminder that I have worked really hard and that I do deserve everything I have, if for nothing else, to shut this annoying voice up.

And it pulled through.

Within hours, I received a message from a distant friend. You know the ones, we all have our lives and every now and again you reach out to one another as a hype girl. She explicitly mentioned my blog and her daily readings of it, she openly admitted it has become a part of her regular daily routine to jump in and read my nonsense. She also reminded me of my ability to connect to people, to help people feel less alone and by sharing my own struggles and hardships, remind people that everyone goes through this stuff and there is help out there in every format. Whether it be blog posts, internet articles, mental health specialists, a friend.. It really grounded me back into my why I do this and why I am sharing these stories. So thank you my friend, I hope you take a second to step back and know you helped me reignite my fire.

The second little confirmation I received was a comment on my social media from an old friend who has known me since I was about thirteen. He has seen all my trauma, he’s seen my ugly, my downfalls, my crazy.. And every now and again, as adults, this man pops up and reminds me where I came from. Over the years he’s said random comments to me such as “I cannot believe you are the same Sarah I knew when we were teenagers, it is so amazing to see where how far you’ve come”. This man helped me renovate my house, was next to me through separating from my last relationship, I have sold property for him.. Out of the people in my life, this man has merit and credit to comment on me. He knows me in every format and while we aren’t exceptionally close and we don’t spend a lot of time together, his opinions of me are valid and true. But to cycle back I made a post about how lucky I am and how I am so grateful for the life I have. And sure enough, this grounded, logical man who knows the truest of true version of Sarah-Louise Anderson popped up and reminded me.

”It’s not all luck Sarah. You worked hard for everything you have.”

And I just snapped straight back into reality. In less than a second the voice had stopped and I was back in control of the mind space. Because he’s right. Nothing I have was given to me. None of what I share is false or pretend. Everything in my life is in my life because I made a decision I wanted it then I worked out how to get it.

What I want you to realise is there are people who have merit and there are people who do not. What someone who has no idea what you’ve been through has to think or say about you means nothing. What means something is what the people who KNOW have to say. The ones who stood by you and watched you fall into the deepest pits over and over again and saw you build the ladder and climb out. The ones who threw a life line down to help.

But also, the little voice convincing you that you are not worth it does not have merit. Do not allow it to win.

I didn’t approach either of these people for help, they didn’t know I was struggling or that I was one minor inconvenience off moving to Italy and never speaking to an Australian resident again. But the did reach out and they reminded me of my true strength. My true self.

The Aries energy helped me reignite my fire in ways I could have never begun to ask for.

So here I am, back to being open and vulnerable in hopes that I can make the slightest difference to one singular person and remind you that you are worthy. You are brave and you deserve every single thing you have in your life. You worked hard and being proud of yourself and your achievements is absolutely valid.

I hope you read this and you take a moment to step back and take note on how far you’ve come and everything you’ve pushed through. You deserve all the happiness and joy in the world and by reading this, I ask the universe the sprinkle some love and a quick reminder for you just how bright and brilliant you actually are.

Sarah x