We are in the midst of starting a new family currently sitting in the engagement phase.

A really important topic of conversation pre-wedding is parenting.

In fact, one of the firs things my husband to be said to me when we started chatting on Tinder was “Do you want kids?” Seems like a very abrupt thing to ask a random Tinder swipe, but something that I respected about him immediately. I know so many people who have just ended up in a relationship with someone and it hadn’t come up until AFTER the wedding, and maybe I’m insane, but what the f guys.

We discussed so many topics before we even met, if I am telling the whole truth, he actually asked me out about four times before I finally had time to go and see him so we ended up talking to each other none stop for about a week before we even met and we chatted about all kinds of things.

Dating at thirty is wild, most people need some form of therapy and come with past relationship baggage – just an FYI for those single biddies out there.

If you are dating at any age, once you’ve met someone you vibe with my recommendations as a woman who was single for a good two years is you really need to discuss these few topics before really committing to each other..

• Financial goals
• Family expectations
• Parenting styles
• Career goals
• Non negotiables

This leads into legacy’s. There are a few things I want for my future babies that if a potential partner did not agree with, it wasn’t going to work.

So lets discuss shall we..

My childhood wasn’t ideal. It wasn’t the worst of the worst but I did come from a broken home and there was a lot of crap that came from only having one parent. Inclusive of things that should not have happened to a child and if there was a secondary parent involved – would not have.

So legacy number one – We are a family unit, end of story.

I refuse to have babies out of wedlock. I know this seems very old age but my reasons for this were a single mother did not have the capacity to care for me the way she should have as she needed to work to support us. Said single mother could have made far better choices than she did with the money we did have, but again there was no one else to call her on her nonsense so the second parent comment is extra relevant here. A dual income home or even a parent who is able to devote undivided attention to the children is a must for me. I don’t mind which parent it is as my fiancé and I are both high income earners with our eyes set on amazing careers, but when our babies are small someone will be with them as a matter of priority.

Also, as a child whose name was different to my mother’s and was separated from my father, the idea of my name being the only different one of our children’s birth certificate does make me sad.

Legacy number two – Unconditional Kindness.

My fiancé is exceptionally kind to the people he cares for, at times to his own detriment. He focuses so much on how everyone else feels and trying to keep us all happy that he does tend to sacrifice his own desires for the happiness of everyone around him.

I am also actively and consciously kind. At every stage, I often find myself stepping back and reviewing situations we face from other peoples perspectives and try to make decisions on the greater good of all involved.

Our babies will be raised with kindness, patience and compassion because there is not enough of it in the world today. One thing I can promise you is if you are involved in our lives, we will ensure you never go without – Unless you take either of us for granted that is.

Legacy number three, the most important – Financial freedom.

If you have been following my blog posts for a while, you will be familiar with how important this is to me, but it is also extremely important to my hubby to be. We are here to enjoy our lives and while we do work very hard to provide for our future selves, we don’t hesitate to enjoy our lives in the present moment.

There will be no decision our family has to make that finance will be an issue for. That I can promise our children and one day, when they’re reading their mothers blog rants and laughing at the things I’ve said, I hope they know that sitting here in May 2024, before they’ve even come to be, every decision we have made has been for them.

Your greatest contribution is the ones you leave behind and our commitment is to leave behind honest, kind and hard working human beings who contribute to society with empathy and love.

Be sure the one you share this responsibility with aligns with your expectations.

Sarah x